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Monday, May 2, 2005


[friends only: mush]

My mother just called.

She... um... well, she basically flat-out told me not to come back as long as I'm... yeah. She said it before, but I figured that she was just mad and overly emotional. But this time...

So... remember when we were talking about me staying at your place this summer? Can that still happen? Because I don't know where else to go except Snitch's and I feel uncomfortable around his dad, because he thinks I'm a gargantuan weirdo.

So... yeah.

Current mood: numb

Monday, April 25, 2005


R.I.P Marvin, AKA my old comp. He died a while ago, which explains my lack of activity.

But, on a brighter note, greetings and love to Lucille, my new, much faster, much nicer comp. She's fabulous.

So, yeah... just reaffirming the fact that I still exist. And many thanks for all the birthday shit. Funny, though, I don't feel any older. Pssh. Oh, well.

Current mood: weird

Tuesday, March 29, 2005


[friends only: mush]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, fucking shit you have no idea how sorry I am, Micah.

I knew it would be bad, but I never thought she'd kick us out. I really didn't. Fuck.

I'm sorry about everything that happened. I expected that sort of shit from Nick, but not my mom.

I'm just... I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry.

Current mood: crushed

Monday, March 28, 2005


[friends only: mush]

Alex called me earlier today to make sure that we were still on for tomorrow. She says she can't wait to meet you, and she sounds genuinely excited. I don't know what Mom and Nick think, because Mom was at work, and Alex said Nick wasn't home, but I could hear him yelling in the background ("tell that fuckin' queer that we don't want him!"). But, it should be... interesting.

Anyway, I just want to let you know that we could still back out if you wanted to.

Current mood: anxious

Sunday, March 20, 2005


[friends only: mush]

Item Number One: My head was hurting so badly this morning that I couldn't stand up for an hour and a half. Not that I could have stood up anyway, since, somehow, you'd managed to wrap the entire upper half of your body around my waist, but, still. It's the principle of the thing. Aha.

Item Number Two: How pissed is Blink?

Item Number Three: My sister, Alex, called me today. She got a full scholarship to some math and science school in Jersey that I've never heard of. But, anyway, Mom is having some kind of celebratory dinner for her, and Alex wants me to come. She called to see what I thought the best date would be. And I figured... well, this would be as good a time as any for you to meet my family, so... do you want to go? It's just my mom and the twins, but I can tell you right now, it's not going to be pleasant. But I figure that they'll have to get used to this. They'll have to get used to me. Anyway... yeah.

Current mood: sleepy

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


[friends only: mush]

I know that I told you this last night. Really, I know I told you this about a thousand times or so. But I need to say it again, because, Mush, I am so fucking sorry, it's not even funny. I... shit. I feel so fucking terrible. I feel like the biggest jackass in the history of the universe. I never should have thought that, because I fucking know you wouldn't do that to me.

I just... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, and I love you.

But I'm still going to beat the shit out of Snoddy.

Current mood: apologetic

Monday, March 14, 2005


[friends only: mush]

I thought I was out of booze. I really really thought I was out of booze.

And then I found a twqo totally unopened not opened nebver even drank from yet bottles of Jack Daniels.

So I drank one. And now I'm making waffles.

I just fell out of my chiar. Aha.

Current mood: drunk

Saturday, February 19, 2005


[friends only: mush]

I realized something today.

Actually, I realized this yesterday when Race was being an ass and you stood up for me.

I... well, I think I'm really starting to fall for you.

I knew that once I stopped holding back it would happen. I mean, it was inevitable. But I didn't think it would start this fast.

I just... I don't know. I think about you all the time. Like, constantly. Before I do something, I stop and think about how you're going to react to it.

So... yeah. I couldn't work up the courage to tell you in person. Really, I'm kind of scared. I mean, I know that you'd never, ever hurt me or fuck me over or anything like that, but... I don't know. There's just this little part of me that keeps saying, "what if, what if..." And I feel terrible for even letting that part of me exist, because you wouldn't do that to me. You wouldn't.

But, scared or not, I can't deny the fact that I am falling for you. I'm not there yet, but... it's happening. I can feel it.

I'm sorry that this sounded just so totally stupid, but I wanted you to know. I needed you to know.

Current mood: quixotic

Monday, February 14, 2005


[friends only: snitch]

I'm suspended tomorrow. That's a bad thing.

But there is a good side. I don't have to do any of my homework for tomorrow. So I've declared that tonight will be a Snitch-Skittery Movie-Watching Oreo-Devouring Extravaganza of Epic Proportions. Check out the capitalization. That's how you know it's important.

I have Oreos, of course. I have and enormous bag of Hershey's kisses. I have four giant bags of Doritos. And I have But I'm a Cheerleader, which I am forcing you to watch. If not tonight, then at some point in the near future.

Are you in?

Current mood: amused

Sunday, February 13, 2005


Every now and then, I manage to fix things when after I've royally fucked them up. I like to think that this is one of those times.

Well, Mush, it wasn't the Rainbow Room, but I think we did okay for ourselves last night. I just wish everything could have gone as perfectly as you wanted it to... but, on the other hand, I rather liked how everything turned out.

I hope your new fish are doing well.

And I hope you are, too.

And... yeah. That's all, I guess.

This sounded way more awkward than I wanted it to. Oh, well. You know what I mean.

And you can tell everybody this is your song...

Current mood: thoughtful

Sunday, January 30, 2005


[friends only: snitch and mush]

A few things I'd like to get out of the way before I start the main point of this post.

- I know I can't ice skate, you can stop making fun of me. I'm sorry I'm a klutz while you two are all, "wheeee, look at us, we're talented!"

- Mush, last night.... *grin* Leaving it at that.

- Snitch, you are a wuss. You are a wuss to end all wusses. I can't believe you wouldn't call her!

Okay. Anyway.

I know this is sort of short notice, but I got an e-mail from my Aunt Libby this morning. She lives in New Orleans, so my mom had never felt the need to tell her, "oh, yeah, by the way, Jared likes penis." ... until now. Cue ominous music.

Except not, because Aunt Libby honestly doesn't give a crap about who I like. And she sent me this e-mail saying that I can snog all the men I want, and we need to catch up, and we haven't gotten to hang out in a long time. And she wants to know if I want to grab a few friends and head down to New Orleans this weekend because it's her favorite parade. Endymion, I think it's called.

I fucking love my Aunt Libby.

She's an airline stewardess and she's dating this pilot who's totally infatuated with her or something, so she managed to wrangle three tickets out of him. I can't believe it. I haven't been to New Orleans since I was nine. But that's totally beside the point.

The point is: you guys want to go to New Orleans this weekend? Mardi Gras parades and everything.

We'd leave Friday morning around ten, get in around like... I don't know, one-ish. Aunt Libby's apartment is kind of cramped, but she has an extra bed and plenty of couches, from what I remember, none of which matches. Aha. I love that woman.

Anyway. Take your time, ask the 'rents, let me know whenever you're ready.

Current mood: tired

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


[friends only: mush]

You'll either think this is absolutely adorable or completely dorky.

Guess what I've been doing?

Current mood: happy

Monday, January 24, 2005



I would like to announce to the world that Snitch's middle name is...




Feel free to mock him mercilessly. I certainly will.

Current mood: amused



I'm just in shock.

Snitch's hair is incredible.

Mush, you must be some kind of god. I don't know how else you could get his hair to do that.

... wow. Just... wow.

Current mood: shocked

Sunday, January 23, 2005


[friends only: mush]

I know you say you're okay, and I know you say that you forgive us... but you're still not yourself. You're not back to the old Mush, so I know you're still hurting.

And I want to make things better. Really better, not just the "let's pretend everything's okay" crap that we all tend to do.

I don't want you to hurt any more. What can I do? Seriously. Name it, and I'll do it.

Current mood: worried

Friday, January 21, 2005


Okay, everyone, leave Snitch the fuck alone. None of this is his fault; he didn't do a goddamn thing.

If you want to pick on someone, pick on me, because this is my fucking fault.

Mush. I know that you're never going to forgive me, and I understand if you want to continue to hate me. But just know that I am sorry. I am so fucking sorry that it hurts. Because I do care about you; I care about you a lot. But I can't help the way I feel about Snitch. I just can't. You know as well as I do that you can't control who you fall for. You were pining over Blink way, way back many centuries ago, and you couldn't control that. I didn't want to tell you, because I didn't want to hurt you. I was hoping that if I tried hard enough and long enough, I could make it all just go away, and you wouldn't have to get hurt. You've been hurt too many times, and I'm the biggest dipshit in the world for piling more pain onto that.

So, I do understand if you hate me and if you never want to speak to me again. But if you could find it in your heart to forgive me...

And for the rest of you (even though it's really none of your goddamn business, Racetrack), if you've got something to say to me, tell me. Don't comment on someone else's LJ and talk about me like I can't fucking read.

Current mood: crushed

Thursday, January 20, 2005


[private entry]

Rule Number One: When having sex with your boyfriend, you do not say the name of your long-time crush.

Good. Followed that rule today.

Rule Number Two: When having sex with your boyfriend, you do not imagine that you're having sex with your long-time crush.

God dammit, why can't I do anything right?

I am the biggest. Dipshit. Ever.

Current mood: depressed

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


So yesterday Snitch gave me my belated Christmas present (which you totally didn't have to do; have I mentioned that?). And it totally rocked.

He gave me flowers. Definitely wasn't expecting that. And then we went to the mall. We played DDR, which was nice, since I totally kicked Snitch's ass. Snitch, you've got rhythm. You shouldn't have lost that bad. Aha, it was funny.

And then we played in the fountain, which you're apparently not supposed to do. Mall security kindly escorted us off the property. And it was really cold outside, especially since we were wet from the forbidden fountain.

So we went to the park. Which didn't really make sense, since we were still wet and it was still outside. But, who really cares? We tore around the park, chasing pigeons and screaming, and got stared at by a bunch of kids and their parents. Very amusing.

What wasn't amusing was when Snitch pushed me in the freakin' pond. I have never been so cold in my life.

Oh, well, I yanked his ass in there with me.

So after we got mild frostbite, we decided to call it a day. So we headed back. And Snitch gave me a kiss on the cheek, which I also wasn't expecting.

So thanks for the present, Snitchy. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Monday, January 10, 2005


Sorry I've been dead lately, guys. Exams fucking suck.

My sister called me earlier today. Remember how she walked around looking terrified the whole time I was home? She called me and she told me that she didn't want me to get hurt for being gay, that she'd seen what boys at her school do to guys that they think are. And she's only thirteen. She shouldn't have to see that kind of shit. But, at the same time, I felt relieved to know that at least one person in my family is still on my side. She told me that nothing would ever change the fact that I was her brother, and as cheesy as it sounds, I needed to hear that.

Even though I know she won't read this, thank you, Alex.

Onto the apologies.

I've been dead lately. I'm sorry. I've had a lot of crap on my mind, plus exams, plus I got a new idea for a story that I really need to write. Not a good combination. But I'm sorry.

Especially to you, Snitch. I am so sorry about your English exam. Can I make it up to you or something?

Current mood: okay

Monday, January 3, 2005


[friends only: mush and blink]

Blink, I should have done this when it happened, but I didn't because I figured you didn't want to talk to me. But this needs to be said. I am sorry, and you have no idea how much I mean that. This was not supposed to happen, I swear to God. Race didn't know you were coming over, and neither did I, and... I mean, it didn't mean anything. It's just that stupid tradition where you have to kiss someone at midnight.

Mush, you more than likely know what happened, and you deserve an apology, too. I didn't know that the whole "kiss at midnight" tradition thing would blow up in my face like this. But this isn't the point of the apology. Over the past week or so, I've actually gotten to like you. And I understand if you thought we were just playing around and don't feel the same way (hell, I'm really not expecting you to, not after what I did), but if you do, by some freakish twist of fate, actually do feel the same way, and you can forgive me... yeah. I don't know. I'm rambling. Just know that I'm sorry.

You guys, I really am.

Current mood: sad

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